- apple (popular)
- kiwi (rare)
- pear (very popular)

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello becomes exasperated.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

14:22 egof I'm not that nerdy, I've only seen 30% of the star trek episodes

14:23 kaj if you know what percentage of the star trek episodes you have seen, you are inarguably nerdy

14:23 egof it's unarguably

14:23 * kaj blinks

14:24 kaj you are not helping your case

Next, you meet a fisher. You can say one of several greetings:

"Hello there!"

  She responds with "Hello, how may I help you?"; you can respond with:

  "I would like to buy a fish."

    She sells you a fish and the conversation finishes.

  "Can I borrow your boat?"

    She is surprised and asks "What are you offering in return?".

    "Five gold." (if you have enough)
    "Ten gold." (if you have enough)
    "Fifteen gold." (if you have enough)

      She lends you her boat. The conversation ends.

    "A fish." (if you have one)
    "A newspaper." (if you have one)
    "A pebble." (if you have one)

      "No thanks", she replies. Your conversation options at this point are the same as they were after asking to borrow her boat, minus any options you've suggested before.

"Vote for me in the next election!"

  She turns away. The conversation finishes.

"Madam, are you aware that your fish are running away?"

  She looks at you skeptically and says "Fish cannot run, miss".

  "You got me!"

    The fisher sighs and the conversation ends.

  "Only kidding."

    "Good one!" she retorts. Your conversation options at this point are the same as those following "Hello there!" above.

  "Oh, then what are they doing?"

    She looks at her fish, giving you an opportunity to steal her boat, which you do. The conversation ends.

# Dialogue

Some characters repeat their lines in order each time you interact with them, others randomly pick from amongst their lines. Those who respond in order have numbered entries in the lists below.

## The Shopkeeper

- How may I help you?
- Fresh apples!
- A loaf of bread for madam?

## The pilot

Before the accident:

- I'm about to fly out, sorry!
- Sorry, I'm just waiting for flight clearance and then I'll be off!

After the accident:

1. I'm about to fly out, sorry!
2. Ok, I'm not leaving right now, my plane is being cleaned.
3. Ok, it's not being cleaned, it needs a minor repair first.
4. Ok, ok, stop bothering me! Truth is, I had a crash.

## Clan Leader

During the first clan meeting:

- Hey, have you seen my daughter? I bet she's up to something nefarious again...
- Nice weather we're having today, eh?
- The name is Bailey, Jeff Bailey. How can I help you today?
- A glass of water? Fresh from the well!

After the earthquake:

1. Everyone is safe in the shelter, we just have to put out the fire!
2. I'll go and tell the fire brigade, you keep hosing it down!

Customer: Hello! I wish to register a complaint. Hello. Miss?

Shopkeeper: Watcha mean, miss?

Customer: Uh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.

Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.

Announcer: Number 16: The hand.

Interviewer: Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight Mr Norman St John Polevaulter, who for the past few years has been contradicting people. Mr Polevaulter, why do you contradict people?

Norman: I don't. [1]

Interviewer: You told me you did! ...

[1] This is, naturally, a lie, but paradoxically if it were true he could not say so without contradicting the interviewer and thus making it false.

Customer: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Shopkeeper: I'm sorry?

Customer: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Shopkeeper: No no no, this's'a tobacconist's.

In 1970, the British Empire lay in ruins, and foreign nationalists frequented the streets — many of them Hungarians (not the streets — the foreign nationals). Sadly, Alexander Yalt has been publishing incompetently-written phrase books.

Table 1. Alternative activities for knights.

Activity | Location | Cost
--- | --- | ---
Dance | Wherever possible | £01
Routines, chorus scenes2 | Undisclosed | Undisclosed
Dining3 | Camelot | Cost of ham, jam, and spam4

1. Assumed.

2. Footwork impeccable.

3. Quality described as "well".

4. A lot.